There with the Grace of God

This week I will write about the little-g grace of God.  The little ways he blesses our lives.

A year or so ago a speaker at the LDS church's general conference told a story of biking home to work and praying to find a quarter so he could buy himself a piece of chicken.  He wasn't starving, had food in his home, but he had a long, hard day at work and thought a piece of chicken would make him a happier person for his family when he got home.  And just as he got to the chicken store he found a quarter on the side walk and was able to buy himself a piece of fried chicken.

When I heard this story I thought, "What???  That is just weird.  Are we really being encouraged to pray for stuff we don't need just because it will make us happy?"  The more I thought about it over the weeks ahead, the more I began to see the hand of God in my life in small, seemingly insignificant things.

The meeting that got canceled and I was able to make a night out with friends that I thought I would miss.    The parking spot in the convenient garage where I always look but there is never a spot.  Free tickets to a baseball game so I can treat my kids to something fun.  Finding those cool pens I thought I lost.  All green lights when I'm late to pick someone up.
The transmission in my van dying so I had to buy a new van and this one seats 8 passengers just before I was called into the YW presidency and will have to start driving lots of youth to events ... OK, I haven't decided if that is a blessing or just a forced preparation.

Most of the time I call it luck, or karma  or statistical anomalies.  But sometimes, when I look in my heart, I feel the love of God telling me that it was a little blessing to show he loves and cares for me.

There but for the Grace of God

If you are coming to this post to read a story of someone's misfortune that I avoided, and get some schadenfreude,  turn away now.  This isn't that kind of post.

This is about big-G Grace.  I was talking to my friend yesterday, and she commented on how hard it is for people in the LDS church to believe that we are saved by grace.  Focusing on the "after all we can do", they drive themselves crazy with trying to be the best person so they are worthy of salvation.

You will never be worthy of salvation by yourself.  Stop beating yourself up over it.  Because it is only through the Grace of God that you can be saved.  He asks for one thing from us, a broken heart and a contrite spirit.  As I explain to the Primary kids - all you have to do is say you are sorry every time you don't do what you are supposed to and really mean it and God will forgive you.
Christ took your sins upon himself already.  With Christ by your side you are already perfect.  Without Christ by your side you will never be perfect.

Will you continue to sin?  Of course.  Guess what - God knows that already.  You don't get to repent just once, you can repent as much as you need to.  And every time you repent your sins are washed clean.

Heavenly Father loves you.  Romans 8:38-39  Take a big breath, step back to the simple faith of a little child and trust in the Grace of God.

If you want to read a fabulous book about this subject, I highly recommend:

Believing Christ the Parable of the Bicycle and Other Good News by Stephen E Robinson Permalink: http://amzn.com/0875796346

Eternal Salvation is the Best Revenge

I am so proud of my YCLs from girls camp!

It all started when my YCLs (I was YCL leader this year) did a morning cheer that made fun of the 4th years.  OK, I was not proud of that and I stopped them all on their way to breakfast to tell them there was one way out of this to avoid war with the 4th years - an obsequious apology.  (No, I didn't use the word obsequious with them.)  At the first opportunity they needed to do a cheer or sing a song expressing how wonderful the 4th years are.  Nothing makes your enemy look worse to others than being nice to them.  So they sang a "We love you song" to the 4th years and I thought we were done.

Until  the next night some candy was taken from the YCL cabin.  And the next day when the cabin was TP'd and more candy taken.  (Can I mention that this kind of stuff is strictly forbidden at our girls camp?)  I was worried about what the response would be from my girls.  Would they escalate the war?  Certainly some of them were upset.

At evening flag their response was clear - they did a peppy cheer about themselves and then sang a  verse of "I'm trying to be like Jesus."  I got tearful looking at these 18 girls from all over the stake and thinking how much I love them and how proud I was of their behavior.  In that moment they really turned the other cheek and loved their enemy.

Choosing the higher path and enjoying the blessings of eternal salvation is the best revenge.  Even better, though, is when those despitefully use you choose the higher path and get to enjoy eternal salvation with you.

Why are you REALLY declining the HPV vaccine?

It is not evil to vaccinate your child against a sexually transmitted virus.

The Gardasil vaccine has been on the market in the US for 5 years now.  I suppose as pediatricians we realized up front that some people would have a moral issue with this, not sure the message they are sending to their child.  I am OK with that and happy to talk about it.

Please don't lie to me and tell me that you heard there were terrible side effects so you don't want to immunize your teenager.  There have been great studies recently showing that Gardasil definitely causes a sore arm and some people pass out after they get it (we are talking teen age girls getting shots here).  It is no more harmful than any of the other vaccines which you have already quite willing given your child.

But what message are you giving your child by vaccinating against a sexually transmitted infection?  I get it - you don't want your child to have sex until they are married.  Guess what?  I don't want your child to have sex until she is married either - and I told her that during our visit.  So if you vaccinate your child for an STI are you telling her that you think she might have sex with multiple partners anyway?

Let me tell you what I am likely to tell your child.
I don't think you should have sex until you get married.  A lot of people may try to pressure you to do things, and the choice is yours, but please don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that you don't want to do.  If you choose not to have sex until you get married you protect yourself 100% from getting a sexually transmitted infection before marriage.  However, what if the person you choose to marry did not wait to have sex until marriage?  They could be a wonderful person who repented and is fully worthy - and they could also have HPV.  Better to protect yourself.

That is what you can say to your child too.  Getting the HPV vaccine is not a signal that you think your child will have premarital sex.  It is a way of protecting your child from the potential consequences of someone else's bad choice.

Why I Believe

Don't bother trying to post rebuttal.  This post is an essay, not a conversation.

I am fascinated when I read the comments on articles about the Mormon church.  It quickly becomes a discussion of how Joseph Smith was a fraud, physical proof shows something else, yada yada.  So people should wonder why I, a reasonably intelligent person trained in science, would be a faithful, devoted Mormon.  So here goes.

It is because when I was 17 I didn't know if the Book of Mormon was really true or if the Mormon church was right.  So I got down on my knees and I prayed, as I had done many times before, but this time I received an overwhelming knowledge that it was true.  I knew then, and I know now, because of personal revelation from God to me.  Revelation that God knows who I am, loves me, cares about me and lets me know that the Book of Mormon is true.

For those of you who want to point out the evil actions of Joseph Smith or any other human being, or point out that the Mormon church has changed over time or that scientific evidence refutes Joseph Smith's interpretation of the Book of Abraham or whatever - my testimony is not based on today's scientific evidence or my respect for another human being or consistency of actions.  I believe because I continue to have a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father.  I pray and feel his answer.  So don't be sad if you can't convince me with your words and graphs and expert opinion.  For me there is only one expert opinion that counts, and that is the hand of God in my life.

All Good Things

"...every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God."  Moroni 7:13


We have Buddhist prayer flags hanging from our play set in the backyard.  Multi-colored and bright, they flutter in the breeze, saying their prayers.  Brian hung them up a month ago.  He can see their gentle waving from our bed as he lays there recovering from his cancer treatments.


I am not a Buddhist.  I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I am really very Christian.  Some might look at it and say, "Why would she have a heathen symbol in her yard?"  Or if they knew Brian put it up they may wonder why I didn't complain.  Complaining would be amazingly hypocritical of me, since I am the one who put the Buddha head statue back there several years ago.  Got that one from my Bishop; it was given to him by a good friend who had died but I think he felt a little uncomfortable having it in his yard.


So why do I have Buddhist things in my backyard?  To try to fit in with all my Buddhist neighbors?  (A lot of my neighborhood is Vietnamese.)  Because it is trendy and cool?  No.  Each item has its own reason.  I put the Buddha head there because I admire Buddhist philosophy - it's acceptance of life as it is and the belief one can bring change through changing ones self.  It resonates with my Christian beliefs of doing good because it is the right thing to do.  It resonates with my life experience that the only time I am truly happy is when I accept life is what it is and choose to be at peace with it.


Why did Brian put up the prayer flags?  I don't know, but I think it is a small way of reaching out to God.  As he watches the flags wave I imagine he thinks of prayers being said to God.  And I do believe that any thing which invites you to approach God is a good thing.  It is not the fullness of good, but it is good.


That is why Buddhist pray flags softly sway near a statue of Buddha in the back yard of this Christian house.


ALB

Why Good Parents Make Their Children Cry

I heard screams coming from the shower.  When I went to investigate, there stood a child with a large amount of shampoo in her hair, crying that shampoo went in her eyes and now it burned.  I told her the best thing to do, which would make her feel better faster than anything else, is to put her head under the shower and let it rinse all of the shampoo off her head and out of her eyes.  She hates getting water on her face and refused.  I raised my voice - she refused and continued to cry.  I yelled - she refused and continued to cry.  So I took her screaming, wiggling body and shoved it under the running shower until all of the shampoo was out of her hair and off of her face.  As she stood wrapped in her towel after the experience she looked at me with scorn and said, "A good parent wouldn't make her child cry!"


Good parents do things all the time that make their kids cry.  Get them immunized.  Refuse to buy them toys they don't need or can't afford.  Reprimand them for bad choices in their behavior.  A parent's job is to see the big picture and do what is best for the child, even when it causes temporary pain and sorrow in the child.

Our Heavenly Father sees the big picture much better than we do.  I wonder how many times I have stood before him crying out for help and the answer I got was painful and made me cry.  How many times have I figuratively screamed in the shower and refused his gentle advice to put my head in the shower - only to have myself bodily pushed under the falling water.

At those times, when we are sputtering in the midst of hard times and sorrows, and we are tempted to yell at God, "A good parent wouldn't make his children cry!", we need to remember that he sees the big picture.  Bad things things happen because it gives us the chance to learn.  Whether we cry and become bitter, or consider the good that could come of each bad experience is up to us.

God lets bad things happen to us because he loves us.

ALB

I Am a Child of God

Watch the whole thing, don't get overwhelmed if the beginning seems too sweet.  It gets even cuter when the big children appear!

And so are YOU!

ALB

Motherhood

It wasn't until having children of my own that I realized I had been a Mom all along.


My oldest child is now eleven.  Reflecting on all the things I do for her, and my twins, that are considered "motherly duties", I realize these are things I have been doing for other people since I have been able.


A mother listens to others, even when what they say is ridiculous.  She corrects when appropriate.
A mother sacrifices her own desires to meet the needs, physical or emotional, of others.
A mother loves unconditionally.  She may be saddened by the actions of others, but she loves all the same.
A mother teaches.  She shares her knowledge, her enthusiasm and her determination to learn.
A mother cries for the pain of others.  And then she gets up and keeps going.


As women we bear the title of mother before we are even born.  Sometimes we refer to it as being a sister, a friend, a companion, a mentor, a servant.  All of this really just means being a mother.


To all the woman in my life who have been mothers to me - my physical mother, my sister, my friends, my teachers - thank you for the mothering you have given me.
To all the people in my life who are children to me - my biological children, my Primary children, my students, my friends, my family - thank you for your patience as I learn how to be a mother.


I do believe that the most meaningful name I can be called is Mother.


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I had been thinking about how much my motherhood means to me for a long time and really wanted to share that.  I am dissatisfied with how stiff and preachy this came out.  Because that is not how my motherhood feels!  It is warm and squishy (hmmmm, like me) and joyful.  So here are the mother moments I enjoy outside the confines of my own family:


-Primary children running up to hug me or tell me something, but also just grabbing a primary kid to give them a hug and a kiss.
-That I can now name all 60 of my Primary kids by sight!
-The fabulous, random things that kids tell me in the office.
-Giving advice to parents - makes me feel like a wise Abuela!
-Talking to my friends about what they have accomplished.
-Having my students tell me of their questions and concerns.
-Bearing testimony with my sister on the phone.
-Loving people without having to judge them or "fix" them.  What a relief!
-Cleaning up in the kitchen after activities, laughing and chatting with others.  (Half a gigantic cake with Oprah on it?  Whaaaaaahhhh?!!!)  Or even cleaning up without other people sometimes.
-Smiling at people randomly, just to let them know I see them.


Life is good.  To be a nurturer is good.


And when I say "confines of my own family" I of course mean that in the nicest way possible...


ALB

An Easter Post - Of bunnies and children and eternity

Yesterday I (or rather the Primary) put on a big brunch and Easter egg hunt for the ward.  It was great - 50 kids showed up with their families.  Everyone said it was a wonderful time.  The kids were writhing with excitement all through the brunch.  Peeking around the barriers to try to spy eggs as the rain prevented an outside hunt.  Then reveling in the finding of candy filled eggs.  Still, I feel a tug of guilt about making an official activity commemorating the most important religious event ever such a heathen activity.
(On a separate note, it is a fairly easy and quick activity - eat, quick egg hunt, clean up all done in under 2 hours.  Get in, party, get out.  I consider that a successful activity.)

I felt that I had to apologetically promise the parents that our Sunday lesson in Primary would be spiritual.  I promise, Bishop, I promise, parents - the children of this ward do know the true reason we celebrate Easter!  And tomorrow they will remember once more!

Today for sharing time I brought a big box with a bow on it and discussed the gifts our Heavenly Father has given us.  I told them the story of their lives.  How excited they were in Heaven to come to Earth and get a body (remember that next time you stub your toe).  I reminded them that when Jesus was born they were part of the "multitude of the heavenly host" (Luke 2:13) who sang for joy.  But this moment was just the beginning.  Like that moment you hold your breath because you know something good is coming - it has begun.

We reviewed the final evening of Christ's life, how he suffered in Gethsemane for the sins of everyone who ever has or will live.  He bled because I told lies and I was mean to other people.  How he was crucified and we all were part of the heavens that wept.

And then I told them that the happiest, most excited day of their whole existence happened before they were born, but when they feel excited about the story of Jesus they are remembering it.  How they heavens shouted for joy as Christ left the tomb - it is accomplished!  Physical and spiritual death are conquered, the way is prepared for all people to return to Heaven.  This was the moment we had held our breath for and it happened!

The best gift we have ever been given is an empty tomb.  (John 3:16)
Happy Easter!

ALB

Politics and Religion

I suspect I am a socialist.

The more I read the scriptures, the more I am struck that every time people were most devoted to living the Gospel of Jesus Christ, "there were no poor among them." (Moses 7:18)  In the book of Acts it describes how the saints sold their possessions and gave all they had to the church.  Or apparently were struck dead if they didn't.  (Acts 5:1-11)  Certainly the United Order asked similar things of the saints in these latter-days. (D&C 78:3-7)  Though I don't think death was on the line.  OK, spiritual death was on the line but not physical death.  The Nephites, after the resurrected Christ established this church among them, "had all things common among them."  (4 Nephi 1:2-3)
While the Nephites at the time of King Benjamin don't appear to be living the law of consecration, Mosiah 4:16-26 is a very powerful sermon on giving to those in need.

Given that the ideal society, in the eyes of God, involves us taking care of each other so that there are no poor, what is wrong with having a system of government that has that as its goal?


Some people say that the difference is in agency.  When the Lord asks you to do it you are free to say no.  When the government asks you to do it you are not so free to refuse.  But what if we use our agency to vote for a government that has taking care of the poor and needy as it's goal?  Many people live, quite happily, in socialist systems for which they have voted.  They are not evil and socialism is not evil.  I might even argue that if our goal is to produce a government that will be similar to what things will be like in the millennium then they are further along than we.

Go ahead, tell me that if I like socialism so much maybe I should leave America and move to a socialist country.  Tempting, very tempting.  Instead I will stay here to defend those who think government should be used to better the lives of it's people and be a safety net to get them back on their feet when they stumble.
I do not advocate lifetime government support and I do feel people need a path to success.  Don't get me started on how a system of education that allows 30% of it's children to enter adulthood without a high school diploma is dysfunctional!

OK, so I'm a socialist.  Though the more I think about it, the more I suspect I may be a communist libertarian.

Gifts Freely Given

Cast your bread upon the waters.  Then don't look back.


How many times have I heard one child yelling at another, "But you gave that to me, it was a gift!"  And the other yells back, "You don't play with it so I'm taking it back!"  Kids like to give old toys to each other, but rarely does it seem like a gift freely given.

In watching how people around me give of themselves, either through tangible or intangible means, I thought about the scripture that says "Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days."  (Ecclesiastes 11:1)  Throwing bread out on the water makes me think of feeding ducks.  You just throw the bread and they eat.  You don't row out onto the pond, discuss with the ducks how much effort you put into making the bread and how you bought special flour just for them.  You don't come back the next day and ask if they liked the bread.  And you don't get angry if they left the bread to rot on the edge of the pond or let the geese eat instead of them.  You just throw the bread out for the joy of knowing that maybe the ducks will like it.  And then you let it go.


Many people have a hard time letting go when they give a gift.  They give more for the feeling of being appreciated than for the joy of giving.  How many of us have things we received that we feel we must display so that the giver knows we appreciate them?  How many have looked around the house of someone to whom we have gifted to see if what we gave is out for all to see?  I am guilting of looking through relatives' Christmas pictures to see if the gifts I sent made the grade of being included in pictures.  And opening up the mailbox, wondering if a thank-you note was sent.  (I'm much more guilty of being the one who didn't send the thank-you note.)


So I try to teach my children that the real joy of giving is just feeling good inside about giving a thoughtful gift.  Kids will break the birthday party gifts you give.  I won't even buy birthday cards for kid parties any more because those just end up right in the trash - I make my kids draw a card for the birthday child.  Adults will re-gift or exchange gifts.  If you give them money to pay a bill, they use it to buy designer sneakers.  It's OK.  You were generous and gave out of the goodness of your heart.  Let it go and start noticing the many gifts that people give you you.


Because the bread that comes back to you after you cast yours on the water was thrown by someone else.


ALB

Love the Ones You're With

I hope this doesn't come as a surprise to anyone, but life doesn't turn out the way you think it will.

When I was growing up a good Mormon girl I had a view of what my life would be.  We were taught all about what our lives should be through Primary and Young Women.  I got my Gospel in Action award and my Young Womanhood Recognition award, graduated from seminary and got married in the temple.  A few weeks after we were married my husband's church attendance became spotty, and within a few months he was only attending Sacrament Meeting.  Within a year or so he was completely inactive.

I was heart broken, though I mostly kept that to myself.  What do you say to people - or really, what can they say to you?  I had a copy of Carlfred Broderick's book One Heart, One Flesh that the Bishop in our single's ward gave us when we got engaged, and that was very helpful.  I can't even remember why it was helpful because I've lost the book, I just recall that it gave me the spiritual strength to stay married.  (On the other hand I gave a copy to a young neighbor and later she thanked me because it gave her the courage to get a divorce - go figure.)

I didn't go to the temple for a couple years because in my mind that is something you do with your spouse and it was too upsetting to go alone.  Finally I did start going, and came to enjoy the peace and inspiration in the temple.  It was in the temple, as I prayed once more for the Lord to help me, that I got the answer that will probably last me for the rest of my life.  It was simply this - "Love and patience."  (It will last me for the rest of my life because it is not as easy to accomplish as it sounds.)

It's not earth shattering, is it?  It doesn't take your breath away or explode in your mind or reveal an untrodden path.  At this point in my life it feels like the most well worn path I can take.  And yet there is something comforting about going down the well trod road.

I laugh to myself when I hear people say that there is no sadness and there are no tears in heaven.  I am sure our heavenly parents weep on a regular basis for the poor choices we make.  To raise a child for half of eternity and then watch that child separate itself from you - how could you not be sad? To see that child use the gift you all fought to preserve - the gift of agency - to make choices that will forever separate that child from your presence?  How could there not be tears?  I feel my sadness to seem minor in comparison to this.

Love and patience.  It didn't take me long to see that Heavenly Father was only telling me to follow his example.  It is how He deals with the poor choices we make.  As I tell my Primary children, your Heavenly Father loves you, not matter what, there is not a thing you can do to make him stop loving you for ever and always. And he has eternal patience.  I suppose it helps to "know the end from the beginning."  Still, he patiently waits for us to turn to him and is never absent when we reach out.  Love and patience.

When someone I love makes a choice that breaks my heart, what choice do I have but to love them and patiently be there for them if and when they chose another way?  I have been down the sad road and shed a lot of tears - didn't get me anywhere but sad.  I have been down the angry road and yelled about my sorrows - didn't get me anywhere but angry.  I never chose the bitter road, but that is just me.  The love and patience road did get me somewhere -- peace.

This journey prepared me for the day when my brothers left the church for various reasons.  And when a friend was excommunicated.  It feels weird to say that I'm not sorrowful about these things, but I'm not.  I am filled with hope and peace that with time things will change.  I love them and care about them.  I am willing to patiently wait for them to use their agency to make better choices.  My open arms aren't waiting for them to turn around, though.  I am embracing them all along the way so they don't forget that the Lord loves them and there is peace in his path.  Love and patience.

Cast your burdens of anger and sorrow on the Lord, and take up his yoke of loving other people with him.  The burden is lighter.  And not every day, but some days, it is like having wings to fly.

ALB