Why are you REALLY declining the HPV vaccine?

It is not evil to vaccinate your child against a sexually transmitted virus.

The Gardasil vaccine has been on the market in the US for 5 years now.  I suppose as pediatricians we realized up front that some people would have a moral issue with this, not sure the message they are sending to their child.  I am OK with that and happy to talk about it.

Please don't lie to me and tell me that you heard there were terrible side effects so you don't want to immunize your teenager.  There have been great studies recently showing that Gardasil definitely causes a sore arm and some people pass out after they get it (we are talking teen age girls getting shots here).  It is no more harmful than any of the other vaccines which you have already quite willing given your child.

But what message are you giving your child by vaccinating against a sexually transmitted infection?  I get it - you don't want your child to have sex until they are married.  Guess what?  I don't want your child to have sex until she is married either - and I told her that during our visit.  So if you vaccinate your child for an STI are you telling her that you think she might have sex with multiple partners anyway?

Let me tell you what I am likely to tell your child.
I don't think you should have sex until you get married.  A lot of people may try to pressure you to do things, and the choice is yours, but please don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that you don't want to do.  If you choose not to have sex until you get married you protect yourself 100% from getting a sexually transmitted infection before marriage.  However, what if the person you choose to marry did not wait to have sex until marriage?  They could be a wonderful person who repented and is fully worthy - and they could also have HPV.  Better to protect yourself.

That is what you can say to your child too.  Getting the HPV vaccine is not a signal that you think your child will have premarital sex.  It is a way of protecting your child from the potential consequences of someone else's bad choice.

Why I Believe

Don't bother trying to post rebuttal.  This post is an essay, not a conversation.

I am fascinated when I read the comments on articles about the Mormon church.  It quickly becomes a discussion of how Joseph Smith was a fraud, physical proof shows something else, yada yada.  So people should wonder why I, a reasonably intelligent person trained in science, would be a faithful, devoted Mormon.  So here goes.

It is because when I was 17 I didn't know if the Book of Mormon was really true or if the Mormon church was right.  So I got down on my knees and I prayed, as I had done many times before, but this time I received an overwhelming knowledge that it was true.  I knew then, and I know now, because of personal revelation from God to me.  Revelation that God knows who I am, loves me, cares about me and lets me know that the Book of Mormon is true.

For those of you who want to point out the evil actions of Joseph Smith or any other human being, or point out that the Mormon church has changed over time or that scientific evidence refutes Joseph Smith's interpretation of the Book of Abraham or whatever - my testimony is not based on today's scientific evidence or my respect for another human being or consistency of actions.  I believe because I continue to have a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father.  I pray and feel his answer.  So don't be sad if you can't convince me with your words and graphs and expert opinion.  For me there is only one expert opinion that counts, and that is the hand of God in my life.

Zen and the Art of Suck it Up

This one is for all my Gen X peeps.

Brian and I were talking the other day about Buddhist philosophy.  You know, "Desire is the root of all suffering."  And he said, "Can't it all be summed up as Suck it Up?"

Made me think.  So here, for the benefit of my fellow Gen Xers, are the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism translated into a language you can understand:

1.  Life is full of suck.

2.  Your desire for life to not suck just makes you unhappy.

3.  You won't be so unhappy if you stop wanting life to not suck.

4.  Suck it up.



Peace.
ALB

All Good Things

"...every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God."  Moroni 7:13


We have Buddhist prayer flags hanging from our play set in the backyard.  Multi-colored and bright, they flutter in the breeze, saying their prayers.  Brian hung them up a month ago.  He can see their gentle waving from our bed as he lays there recovering from his cancer treatments.


I am not a Buddhist.  I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I am really very Christian.  Some might look at it and say, "Why would she have a heathen symbol in her yard?"  Or if they knew Brian put it up they may wonder why I didn't complain.  Complaining would be amazingly hypocritical of me, since I am the one who put the Buddha head statue back there several years ago.  Got that one from my Bishop; it was given to him by a good friend who had died but I think he felt a little uncomfortable having it in his yard.


So why do I have Buddhist things in my backyard?  To try to fit in with all my Buddhist neighbors?  (A lot of my neighborhood is Vietnamese.)  Because it is trendy and cool?  No.  Each item has its own reason.  I put the Buddha head there because I admire Buddhist philosophy - it's acceptance of life as it is and the belief one can bring change through changing ones self.  It resonates with my Christian beliefs of doing good because it is the right thing to do.  It resonates with my life experience that the only time I am truly happy is when I accept life is what it is and choose to be at peace with it.


Why did Brian put up the prayer flags?  I don't know, but I think it is a small way of reaching out to God.  As he watches the flags wave I imagine he thinks of prayers being said to God.  And I do believe that any thing which invites you to approach God is a good thing.  It is not the fullness of good, but it is good.


That is why Buddhist pray flags softly sway near a statue of Buddha in the back yard of this Christian house.


ALB

Dear Graduates - You Knew that Already

No surprise to you, all of your plans will not come to fruition.

It is graduation season so I've read a couple articles and speeches that were aimed at high school and college graduates.  One of the themes is, "Life doesn't turn out the way you dream and plan it will, so be prepared for failure and change."  Guess what - you already knew that.

Childhood is the time of biggest struggle for change.  Learning to walk takes a lot of effort and painful failed attempts.  As does learning to ride a bike.  As does learning to get along with other people.  And talk about failed dreams - you can't fly like superman, you won't make a ton of money with a lemonade stand, you can't collect the biggest ball of chewing gum because your mom said no way.  You struggle to balance  the profoundly differing stories about Santa that are told by your parents and by kids on the playground, or ponder the existential motives of a tooth fairy.

You struggle for separation from parents, yet desire their support and nurture.  You long to make an identity for yourself, and then long to re-invent it.

Here is my message to you - grown up life is not that hard compared to negotiating the minefield of childhood and adolescence.  The school room and play ground become the work place.  You turn from child to parent.  Your friends are ... maybe as immature as ever, maybe not.  You come to this place in your life having navigated a myriad of difficult mazes.

You already know that the only constant in life is change.  Keep on keepin' on.

ALB

What Not to Say

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/12/fashion/what-to-say-to-someone-whos-sick-this-life.html

This is a great article in the NYT about what not to say, and what to say, to someone who is seriously ill.  And, I would add, to their family members.  The author went through cancer treatment.  His suggestions are spot on.  All the things I want to say to people but feel too polite to say.

I recall a time when I was in the hospital quite ill and in a lot of pain.  Five days into the hospital stay a newly consulted specialist walked into the room and said, "You look miserable."  I wanted to cry and hug her.  That was what I really wanted to hear, an acknowledgement of how I felt.  If you had asked me how I felt I would have said, "I'm hanging in there."  Which I was.  But it was miserable.  I try to remember as a physician that if I can't do anything else, I can always acknowledge a patient's suffering.  "This is such a miserable experience, I am sorry you have to go through this."

Compassion is the best medicine.

Why Good Parents Make Their Children Cry

I heard screams coming from the shower.  When I went to investigate, there stood a child with a large amount of shampoo in her hair, crying that shampoo went in her eyes and now it burned.  I told her the best thing to do, which would make her feel better faster than anything else, is to put her head under the shower and let it rinse all of the shampoo off her head and out of her eyes.  She hates getting water on her face and refused.  I raised my voice - she refused and continued to cry.  I yelled - she refused and continued to cry.  So I took her screaming, wiggling body and shoved it under the running shower until all of the shampoo was out of her hair and off of her face.  As she stood wrapped in her towel after the experience she looked at me with scorn and said, "A good parent wouldn't make her child cry!"


Good parents do things all the time that make their kids cry.  Get them immunized.  Refuse to buy them toys they don't need or can't afford.  Reprimand them for bad choices in their behavior.  A parent's job is to see the big picture and do what is best for the child, even when it causes temporary pain and sorrow in the child.

Our Heavenly Father sees the big picture much better than we do.  I wonder how many times I have stood before him crying out for help and the answer I got was painful and made me cry.  How many times have I figuratively screamed in the shower and refused his gentle advice to put my head in the shower - only to have myself bodily pushed under the falling water.

At those times, when we are sputtering in the midst of hard times and sorrows, and we are tempted to yell at God, "A good parent wouldn't make his children cry!", we need to remember that he sees the big picture.  Bad things things happen because it gives us the chance to learn.  Whether we cry and become bitter, or consider the good that could come of each bad experience is up to us.

God lets bad things happen to us because he loves us.

ALB