I Told Your Child How Babies Are Made

14 years and I finally had someone who wanted to know.

When I am seeing early adolescents for well child visits I frequently start my discussion about sexuality with the question, "Have your parents told you where babies come from?"  Most laugh a little and say they already know and we move on to deeper discussions of the topic.  Every few months a patient will tell me that they haven't learned about it yet.  So I ask if they want to know.  For the first time I had someone who said yes.

I told the adolescent about the fact that babies are made from genetic material from each parent.  (I used basic medical terminology that I won't repeat here because I don't want this page to get flagged as inappropriate content.)  And then I gave a brief description of the basic way the genetic material from the father gets to the genetic material from the mother.  The patient said, "Oh, that makes sense."  The patient then went on to tell me their erroneous thoughts about what the process entailed - the same things I have heard from other kids whose sole knowledge about the process comes from watching PG13 TV shows.

To the parent, I'm sorry if it upset you.  Though I suspect maybe it is a relief that now you don't have to be the one to have "the talk."  Patient education is one of the things I like about being a primary care doctor.

20 Years

Our 20th wedding anniversary was about a month ago.

Brian will brag to everyone he meets about how we have been married for so long.  Even in the hospital after the surgery he introduce me to every team of doctors who came by and tell them that we had been married for 19 years.  They all nodded with a congratulatory grunt.  One morning a resident on one of the teams was making conversation and asked if there was a secret to getting a marriage to last for 19 years. I said, "You make it work."  The attending stopped them all and said, "Do you here that?"  He reinforced that a good marriage doesn't just happen, it is work and you have to make it work.  I hope the resident's learned something that morning.

Here are the beautiful roses Brian got me for our anniversary, surrounded by the bits of our life.  The Cub Scout rain gutter regatta boat, because that is how I spent the evening of our anniversary.  The thermos from the new school lunchbox, the canning jar for the jam I keep intending to make, the McDonald's bag from the dinner I picked up on the way home from the office.  The books and toys of the day.  The actual trappings of family life after 20 years of marriage.

Thank you, Brian, for 20 years.  Kisses.

Seriously, It Takes Time

I am learning patience.  Still.

11 months since Brian's cancer diagnosis.  10 months since his surgery.  6 months since the end of his radiation treatments.  He has come a long way.  He can walk on the treadmill again and drink liquids.  Haven't used the tube feeds for a long time.  Things are much better than they were, and yet things still seem a long way from where they used to be.

Is this the new normal?  A constant question, how much better will things get?  I feel deep down that he will continue to improve and still has lots of improvement potential.  Yet I realize that he may never be back to the same energy level he was before all this started.   So I continue to take life one day at a time.  People ask, "What are your plans for vacation?" and I just shrug and say, "Depends on how Brian is feeling."  I plan but I am emotionally prepared to change at a moments notice.

I guess that is the gift this whole experience has brought to me.  I am not wed to the future, I am more comfortable in the ebb and flow of here and now.

My Kids Don't Do Activities

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/13/your-money/childrens-activities-no-guarantee-of-later-success.html

I am no Tiger Mom.  My kids are all older elementary school age and I have never signed them up for activities.  The oldest did piano lessons for a couple years until my friend stopped teaching due to family needs.  That's right, no soccer, no dance class, no karate.  Nothing.  No weekend games to get in the schedule.  No recitals to sit through.  And now with this article, I feel even better about myself.  Isn't it great to find something which justifies your world view?

My kids are kids.  They play, they bicker, they spend way too much time on electronics.  They scooter and play with kids in the neighborhood.  My theory is that when they get to middle school they can sign up for school sports and extracurriculars.  Until then I'm not going out of my way to sign them up for stuff.  When they are older they can complain to friends about what a bad Mom I am.  For now I want my schedule to be free to do what we want when, not juggling to fit in our needs around some activity they will declare they hate after I spent a couple hundred dollars.

Hey kid, go outside and play!

Eternal Salvation is the Best Revenge

I am so proud of my YCLs from girls camp!

It all started when my YCLs (I was YCL leader this year) did a morning cheer that made fun of the 4th years.  OK, I was not proud of that and I stopped them all on their way to breakfast to tell them there was one way out of this to avoid war with the 4th years - an obsequious apology.  (No, I didn't use the word obsequious with them.)  At the first opportunity they needed to do a cheer or sing a song expressing how wonderful the 4th years are.  Nothing makes your enemy look worse to others than being nice to them.  So they sang a "We love you song" to the 4th years and I thought we were done.

Until  the next night some candy was taken from the YCL cabin.  And the next day when the cabin was TP'd and more candy taken.  (Can I mention that this kind of stuff is strictly forbidden at our girls camp?)  I was worried about what the response would be from my girls.  Would they escalate the war?  Certainly some of them were upset.

At evening flag their response was clear - they did a peppy cheer about themselves and then sang a  verse of "I'm trying to be like Jesus."  I got tearful looking at these 18 girls from all over the stake and thinking how much I love them and how proud I was of their behavior.  In that moment they really turned the other cheek and loved their enemy.

Choosing the higher path and enjoying the blessings of eternal salvation is the best revenge.  Even better, though, is when those despitefully use you choose the higher path and get to enjoy eternal salvation with you.

Why are you REALLY declining the HPV vaccine?

It is not evil to vaccinate your child against a sexually transmitted virus.

The Gardasil vaccine has been on the market in the US for 5 years now.  I suppose as pediatricians we realized up front that some people would have a moral issue with this, not sure the message they are sending to their child.  I am OK with that and happy to talk about it.

Please don't lie to me and tell me that you heard there were terrible side effects so you don't want to immunize your teenager.  There have been great studies recently showing that Gardasil definitely causes a sore arm and some people pass out after they get it (we are talking teen age girls getting shots here).  It is no more harmful than any of the other vaccines which you have already quite willing given your child.

But what message are you giving your child by vaccinating against a sexually transmitted infection?  I get it - you don't want your child to have sex until they are married.  Guess what?  I don't want your child to have sex until she is married either - and I told her that during our visit.  So if you vaccinate your child for an STI are you telling her that you think she might have sex with multiple partners anyway?

Let me tell you what I am likely to tell your child.
I don't think you should have sex until you get married.  A lot of people may try to pressure you to do things, and the choice is yours, but please don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that you don't want to do.  If you choose not to have sex until you get married you protect yourself 100% from getting a sexually transmitted infection before marriage.  However, what if the person you choose to marry did not wait to have sex until marriage?  They could be a wonderful person who repented and is fully worthy - and they could also have HPV.  Better to protect yourself.

That is what you can say to your child too.  Getting the HPV vaccine is not a signal that you think your child will have premarital sex.  It is a way of protecting your child from the potential consequences of someone else's bad choice.

Why I Believe

Don't bother trying to post rebuttal.  This post is an essay, not a conversation.

I am fascinated when I read the comments on articles about the Mormon church.  It quickly becomes a discussion of how Joseph Smith was a fraud, physical proof shows something else, yada yada.  So people should wonder why I, a reasonably intelligent person trained in science, would be a faithful, devoted Mormon.  So here goes.

It is because when I was 17 I didn't know if the Book of Mormon was really true or if the Mormon church was right.  So I got down on my knees and I prayed, as I had done many times before, but this time I received an overwhelming knowledge that it was true.  I knew then, and I know now, because of personal revelation from God to me.  Revelation that God knows who I am, loves me, cares about me and lets me know that the Book of Mormon is true.

For those of you who want to point out the evil actions of Joseph Smith or any other human being, or point out that the Mormon church has changed over time or that scientific evidence refutes Joseph Smith's interpretation of the Book of Abraham or whatever - my testimony is not based on today's scientific evidence or my respect for another human being or consistency of actions.  I believe because I continue to have a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father.  I pray and feel his answer.  So don't be sad if you can't convince me with your words and graphs and expert opinion.  For me there is only one expert opinion that counts, and that is the hand of God in my life.