I can't believe we said that.

Phrases that have been uttered by someone in our family.  Honestly.


"I put my boogers in some interesting places."

"Put your gun down so you can take the sacrament."  Whispered much to the delight of the priesthood holder passing the sacrament.

"When I grow up I am just going to sit around and watch TV and eat."

"This is not the wretched van of doom!  This is the gnarly van of awesomeness!"

"You mean there are people fatter than you??"

"When I grow up I'm going to be famous on Broadway, then I will be a stay at home mom.  But how will I be able to get anything done at home with all those people knocking on my door asking for my autograph?"

"I hope this comes with a barf bag."  Said while sitting down to a fabulous home cooked breakfast.

"You don't put a dead mouse on the couch!"

"Now you've been vaccinated for small pox."   Hmmm, maybe only the kids of doctors pretend to give each other shots like this.

While playing Wii Music, "You can play the uptight bass."  Pronounced like the fish.  Instead of that super cool musical instrument, the upright bass.

"When I grow up I want to be a level 4 infectious disease researcher.  Google it."

"Sorry, I have to go get pregnant now."

"I wish I had cannibalistic broccoli.  Then it would eat itself."

"Resurrection is when you die and then come back to life.  But not like a zombie."  I think the Home Teachers appreciated that answer to their question.

In speculating about which House of Israel we might be part, "I hope I'm in Gryffindor!"

Child's Friend:  And they'll put anything on the biscuit that you want!
My Child:  Guts??  Will they put guts on it?
Child's Friend:  I don't think so...

"Its body is like a pop-tart, and it's farting rainbows!"

"I like your boobs.  You have nice boobs."

"I need money."  This one makes me roar with laughter every time the kids say it.

"I've got the apocalypse in my back seat."

"At least your friend was pretty."  (A child looking at a picture of me and a friend as teens.)

"There's a horse on my booby!"

Pointing to a chubby belly, "This is the site of my future six-pack."

"Your arm pit smells better than my gas."