Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Seriously, It Takes Time

I am learning patience.  Still.

11 months since Brian's cancer diagnosis.  10 months since his surgery.  6 months since the end of his radiation treatments.  He has come a long way.  He can walk on the treadmill again and drink liquids.  Haven't used the tube feeds for a long time.  Things are much better than they were, and yet things still seem a long way from where they used to be.

Is this the new normal?  A constant question, how much better will things get?  I feel deep down that he will continue to improve and still has lots of improvement potential.  Yet I realize that he may never be back to the same energy level he was before all this started.   So I continue to take life one day at a time.  People ask, "What are your plans for vacation?" and I just shrug and say, "Depends on how Brian is feeling."  I plan but I am emotionally prepared to change at a moments notice.

I guess that is the gift this whole experience has brought to me.  I am not wed to the future, I am more comfortable in the ebb and flow of here and now.

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